Nov 22, 2009

In the Bones (#2)

I am the one who... uses survivial skills that should be extinct, but are still a big presence in my life.

Core meaning 1: Outdated survivor skills

This card was originally done (2005) with my mother in mind.  At the time I was processing how the survival skills that helped her grow up and stay alive and sane as a child were getting in the way of her life and sanity today.  The skills (dinosaur) were now petrified - no longer alive or able to be of service - old and outdated.  Yet they were such a huge presence in her life (scale of child to dinosaur) and she was not aware of them (behind her).  However, anyone looking at her could see them.  She's doing her best (dressed nicely and clearly pondering and inquisitive) but does not see the baggage behind her or how it threatens her serenity in her present day life.  That was the original intent in this card.

I am the one who... sees conflict as an overwhelming and frightening threat.  I forget that the threat is not real, that it cannot harm me, and that it is my imagination that gives it its power.

Core meaning 2: Every conflict seems overwhelming

In 2009 this card took on a new and more appropriate meaning, because it is focused on me instead of someone else.  I realized that this card described what my supervisor told me one day about how, in interactions with others re conflict, I see myself as a bunny rabbit and every conflict as if I was fighting a dragon - and how my internal imagery would explain why I work so hard to avoid conflict.  With that new understanding, the dinosaur took on the role of the scary dragon of conflict, and the little girl my inner bunny rabbit.  The fact that the dinosaur was long dead and petrified helped me see that my fear of conflict is not based on what is real, but rather on a false internal construct.

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. ~ e.e. cummings

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